the post today, unlike previous ones, is not about my life, or anything about me. today, the post is about something interesting, funny, and just weird. hopefully it would trigger such responses in everyone who reads it. anyone observant enough would also notice that I am writing in unblemished and accurate English. apart from capitals of course (if you were observant you would have noticed that too! :p). to cut to the chase, today’s story is on:

BIG BROTHER

big brother here does not relate to the following:

1) the famous novel back in the old days, about the US government spying on everyone and having intelligence on every single soul in the states. no one had any privacy and the government had complete control over social and working life.

2) a touching story about a little girl’s brother who sacrifices his ambitions and education to work in the streets from dusk to dawn everyday, so as to fund the little girl’s way through primary school, and eventually university.

3) my big brother RENLING! : p sorry but this story does not relate to that either! though I love you all the same! haha!

4) and to the guys, especially people like kanesh and sebas, nope it does not relate to YOUR big brother. haha. (sorry for such crude humour, but I thought it appropriate to generate some laughs with that. hopefully it did create some laughs, if not, just let me know, and I will cut such humour from future entries. but do not worry though, such jokes are not incessant and will come at naturally occurring intervals so as to just keep the moods up and ease the story along.)

nope. sadly folks, big brother is about none of these intriguing stories (all intriguing but the fourth point, which is just a downright sad sad story…haha!). big brother is only found here in England, where people have a unusual sense of entertainment.

so without further ado, here is the lo-down. big brother is a

REALITY TELEVISION PROGRAMME

surprise surprise. nowadays, with the large influx of reality tv programmes, big brother is but jus one of many that are watched by countless millions around the world. many people in Singapore however, would not have heard of this show though. which is why I felt the urge to educate and inform.

so here are the ingredients to this prime time show:

1) 10-12 people (raw unknown people, however for some seasons, you might want to use celebrities, they tend to add more flavour to the show.)

2) a big house (which essentially is the set), complete with a small hot tub, bedrooms for both sexes, showers next to the hot tub, a sauna, a living room which also doubles as a kitchen, a garden, a toilet, and a little private room where you can communicate with big brother. there are more facilities but I do not feel the pressing need to mention these as well…moving on…

3) a flat monotone voice that is sounded over the speakers every time instructions or notices are read out to the house mates (that is what the 10-12 people are known as). this voice belongs to “big brother”. I know, you can gasp and act shocked now. haha.

4) a time period of about 3 weeks to 5 weeks for this whole broth to cook. the housemates would stay in this house for this time, and so are exposed to the constant presence of their fellow house mates. every week, people call in and vote for their house mates. the house mate that ends up with the least votes for every voting session is evicted from the house. the last person standing is the winner.

5) alcohol. where would they be without this drink eh? to get them drunk and happy and do silly things. or to get them drunk and angry and still do silly things. previous record of silly things in past seasons include (I only know about these cause I read about it in the papers, and some I have seen on the telly screen): a fat woman doing sexually-explicit stuff with a wine bottle, a man kissing and fondling a woman’s breasts in the hot tub, man flirting with another man cause he is gay, etc.

6) lots of drama and bitching and of course, lewd scenes. bitching scenes normally unfold like this: two women, talking about another woman, lots of swearing (not the loud kind of swearing, but the soft kind like: “sobbb…I dunno why she is so mean to me…its not like I fucking did anything to her did I now? sobbb…I just wish I never enter this stupid fucking show…), lots of crying and hugging, lots of encouragement. fun? you decide.

so there is a LIVE tv channel, that is for about 8 hrs of a 24 hr cycle, dedicated to these bumbling fools in the house. there are programs that show the “highlights” of the day. and in the papers and media, there is always such a furore when another season of big brother is underway.

like for instance yesterday, when for the first time, a MP entered the show.

tell me, how depressed do you feel when a MP joins a reality tv programme. depressed for society, and mankind in general. can u imagine this happening in Singapore?

“and in shocking news, mr chiam see tong has joined reality series, big brother. mr chiam, MP of potong pasir, who turns 64 this year, is said to be extremely proud and pleased that the producers of big brother has allowed him a place in the show, he says that he hopes he can show every Singaporean what it means to be (in direct quotation): ‘on top of his game, and in limbo. and in political jargon: friendly to tourists’. potong pasir residents were spotted rallying around their estate with banners proclaiming that mr chiam should step down as minister. cries of: ‘ni nabeh big brother, come back do your job! if not I cut off you big brother then you know ah!’ were heard. the situation remains delicate.”

imagine that.

funny eh? but it could happen.

anyway this idiot of a MP in England, is none other than: